Fawning at Work: The Hidden Stress Pattern Fueling Burnout and Unsustainable Leadership

Jul 28

In my work coaching leaders and facilitating workshops, I hear the same concerns over and over:

“I don’t want to appear like a troublemaker at work, so I stay quiet.”
“How do I respond to feedback so the other person doesn’t think I’m being difficult or defensive when things already feel tense?”
“I dim my light because I don’t want others to feel intimidated.”

I’ve also seen this pattern in myself as a woman navigating professional spaces — and I know it’s not about lack of ambition or skill. These are signs of a nervous system state called fawning, and it’s quietly undermining workplace well-being, retention, and the creation of sustainable leaders.

What Exactly Is Fawning?

Fawning isn’t just being agreeable or “people-pleasing.” It’s a blended nervous system state, combining:

Sympathetic flight activation — fear-driven avoidance of conflict, rejection, or confrontation.
Dorsal vagal shutdown — withdrawing, numbing, or shrinking to feel safe.

In this state, employees and leaders silence their needs, opinions, and boundaries to avoid perceived threats or discomfort. It’s a protective reflex, not a personality trait.

In workplace settings, fawning often shows up as:

Avoiding conflict or withholding important feedback.
Over-delivering and overextending at the expense of personal well-being.
Downplaying achievements or skills to avoid intimidating colleagues.
Saying “yes” reflexively, even when overloaded, to avoid disappointment or disapproval.

Why Women — Especially Women of Color — Are Most Impacted

Fawning is not simply a personal habit. It’s often the result of cultural, systemic, and intergenerational influences, which make women — and particularly women of color — more vulnerable to this stress pattern.

Cultural conditioning: Women are often socialized to shrink themselves or avoid being “too much” in order to maintain harmony and likeability (Brown et al., 2020).
Workplace pressures: Women who habitually self-silence report higher rates of stress, illness, and burnout, especially in high-pressure or male-dominated environments (Hagan et al., Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 2019).
Intergenerational and systemic stress: For Black women, fawning is often compounded by the need to avoid conflict or visibility due to a history of systemic inequities, microaggressions, and cultural narratives prioritizing survival over self-expression (Patterson et al., Health Psychology, 2021).

These patterns are largely subconscious, body-driven responses — which is why standard workplace resilience training or leadership coaching rarely address them effectively.

How Fawning Undermines Organizations

On the surface, employees who fawn may seem like “team players.” They rarely rock the boat, they’re agreeable, and they often over-deliver. But underneath, they are operating in survival mode, and the cost to organizations is significant:

Innovation suffers.
When employees suppress ideas or avoid honest conversations, creativity and problem-solving decline.
Burnout and turnover rise.
Staying in chronic stress activation leads to disengagement, absenteeism, and attrition.
Leadership pipelines break down.
Emerging leaders burn out or perpetuate cycles of overwork, equating leadership with constant self-sacrifice.
Psychological safety erodes.
Teams can’t thrive when individuals appear calm on the surface but are internally stressed and disconnected.

Ignoring fawning doesn’t just hurt individuals. It undermines engagement, retention, and organizational performance.

Why Boundary Tips Aren’t Enough

Quick fixes like “set boundaries,” “log off at 5,” or “just say no” aren’t solutions if someone’s nervous system still interprets self-assertion as a threat.

Without addressing the body’s reflexive survival responses, these strategies often backfire — increasing guilt and shame when employees can’t follow through.

Fawning runs deeper than simple behavior change. It shows up in micro-moments — fake laughter, overcommitting, shrinking from visibility — all of which erode confidence and capacity over time.

The Solution: Nervous System Literacy and Self-Safety

Every nervous system state — even challenging ones like fawning — has a purpose: to keep us safe. The issue isn’t the state itself; it’s being stuck there.

Addressing fawning at its root means helping employees and leaders:

Build trust with their bodies, so deeper emotions and old survival patterns can be worked through safely.
Increase nervous system flexibility, so they can shift between states instead of getting locked into stress-driven modes.
Process stress and triggers at the root, instead of relying on coping mechanisms or numbing behaviors.

This goes beyond regulation as a “quick calm-down tool” — it builds resilient, engaged, and sustainable leaders and teams.

Why Organizations and Women’s Groups Must Lead This Shift

Organizations and women’s leadership programs that address fawning see measurable benefits:

Increased retention and engagement, as employees feel safer and supported.
Leaders who can handle visibility, conflict, and growth without burning out.
Cultures of true psychological safety, where collaboration and innovation thrive.

This isn’t about asking employees to do more. It’s about giving them the tools to feel safe enough to show up fully, so they can contribute and lead without draining themselves.

Let’s Build Sustainable Leaders Together

If your organization, women’s group, or leadership program is ready to move beyond surface-level wellness efforts and address the real roots of burnout and disengagement, let’s talk.

I offer:

Keynotes and workshops on nervous system resilience and psychological safety,
Custom programs to embed nervous system literacy into your culture, and
1:1 coaching for leaders to help them lead with confidence and capacity, not depletion.

Click here to connect and bring this work to your team or group.

Lauren Dike